Question by Amanda .? How do I tell my 6 year old daughter that I have brain cancer
The doctors expect me to live maybe about two months longer, because I decided not to fight. I want to spend my last days with my fille.Comment can I say that? I want her to know. I want her to know that when I go she goes to live with her aunt and my oncle.Merci for the kind words, all monde.Ma daughter has always been very close to his aunt and uncle, and therefore j ‘I chose for her to be adopted by eux.Meilleure response:
Answer by Wounded Duck
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Oh wow waht a hard subject to discuss with such a young child. I would seek a help group or someone that has gone through your same scenerio. If she understands life and death let her know that you are sick and it might get worse, but there is no easy way for her to understand at such a young age.
I’m so sorry! I’m not sure what advice to give, but I remember thinking that Susan Surandon did an excellent job breaking the news to her children in the movie, “Stepmom.” Good luck and my prayers are with you and your daughter.
First off: I’m so sorry.
Just tell her.
Let her know that you’re going to be leaving soon to a place called Heaven [or whatever you believe in or want her to believe in] and that if she closes her eyes and thinks about you, you’ll be able to visit her a little.
Make your last days very special with her, leave her little things to remember you by, especially pictures [before and after the cancer].
Write things down about yourself, like what your favorite color and book and movie and things to do where. Then maybe some girl things, like when you started wearing a bra and all that. Just things about yourself. Why you decided to stop fighting, too, maybe.
I wish my mom had done all that so I could know more about her. This will probably help your daughter when she’s older.
Good luck, and I wish you and your daughter the very best of luck.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Michelle. I believe you should consult a professional. How to tell her and when depends on your daughter’s personality, your particular family environment, religious beliefs, etc. A professional will develop a strategy not only to break the news, but to prepare her for living the rest of her life.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I know this must be hard for you to handle. I would take her out to a special place that you and her have memories of and gently tell her that you have something wrong with your brain and that’s it’s taking it away from you. Don’t tell her how long you have left (as the dr’s can sometimes be wrong on the time) but do tell her that when the time comes that her Aunt and Uncle love her very much and from then on, she will be living with them. Also let her know that it will be okay to ask questions and answer them as honestly as possible on her level. Let her know that you will be her guardian angle and that no matter what happens to her in her life, that you love her now and always.
I pray that the dr’s are wrong and that you will live a lot longer than they told you. May God Bless you and keep you safe and carry you when you need him most.
Oh.. Bugger.. I’m sorry, um..
Best maybe to explain to your daughter about life & death & that people aren’t around forever. Maybe explain to her about afterlife if you believe in it, or any religious views.
Tell her that you’re ill & that she shouldn’t be afraid & that you’ll always be with her, in her heart & in her thoughts. You’ll be watching out for her.
I think if you were to explain everything to her about your condition, it would just be a bit too much for her.
Maybe start taking her to see her Aunt & Uncle to get her used to them, you can all go out together & make the most of your time together which will also get her used to spending time with them.
I hope things work out for everyone involved.
I think you should be straightforth and honest with her, ready to answer any questions she has. Reassure her that you will always love her, and even though things will be hard for her, she’s going to be ok.
You know her better than anyone here. Good luck.
The sooner you tell her the better. Children are very perceptive and she will pick up on the fact that you are hiding something. Just tell her as honestly as you can and let her know that her Aunt and Uncle will always be there for her when you aren’t.
I’m so sorry for both of you. I wish that there was something more that could be done, but I also understand when you just can’t go on any more, and wish to have some peace and quality time with your daughter. How thoughtful of you to try to find a good way to say goodbye.
The best way to talk to a small child about your death and her living with her aunt and uncle is to tell her very simply that you have a bad thing in your head. 6 year olds are able to understand that dying means you’re never coming back.
Tell her that you are ill, and that the doctors have done everything they can, but you are getting too sick for them to help you anymore. Tell her that it is nothing that she did to cause it(kids always feel that it’s their fault), that you love her and if you could, you would never leave her.
I hope she likes her aunt and uncle and has been with them often in the last year or so, so she will know their routine, who they are and how they are- and that they love her, too.
Tell her that soon you will have to go and that you want to make sure that she knows that you have planned out what to do for her when you are no longer here in person to watch out over her. Make sure that she knows that your love for her will never die, that you will be with her as long as she can remember you. Make sure she knows how proud you are of her, how much you want to be with her always, how wonderful she has always been, how special for you it’s been to have had such a wonderful daughter like her- how special she is and will always be.
If you can stand it, look at photos albums with her, and talk about the pictures of your lives together. Make sure she has those photos to take with her- perhaps, do that as an activity together, to get all the photos in order, and write down when and where and ages. Make up a package with all her special papers, such as report cards, pictures she made for you, and finally, leave her a letter(and a duplicate) that her aunt and uncle can give her when she is old enough to really understand death- and explain what happened, how hard you tried to survive for her sake, and how tired you got, from the disease. Tell her your hopes for her future, for her wedding, education and dreams.
And always, make sure that she knows how much you would have given to have been there with her always. If you can, make up a video tape/and transfer it to disc, telling her how much you love her. Get the album scanned on disc as well, and in duplicate, in case the first one gets lost. Have both duplicates stored with another relative or in a safe deposit box, along with your jewelry and important papers, like your birth certificate, death certificate, her birth certificate, your letter to her and any other important papers.
As to practical issues, remember that as your tumor progresses, your personality is likely to change. Brain tumor patients dies in inches, with changes to their basic personality. Explain that there will come a time when you may not act like yourself, and that is the illness, not her, and that she hasn’t done anything to deserve it.
Line up a child psychologist and a psychiatrist, as parental attachment issues are huge for a child to deal with;make sure that her aunt and uncle are involved with her psychological care, and learn how to deal and what to expect from her after your death. If they can do that, then any problems that come up can be taken care of while she is young, and will decrease chances of her having much larger problems in her later life.
If you are under hospice care, they may be able to help you find a good set who deal with death and dying for families.
I wish you both only the best. I hope that the time you spend is the best you can make of it.
im sorry to here this
but you have to tell her
Make it easier by not going off topic
If i has cancer i would want my mom to be upfront with me
Good luck
I am so sorry — you are so brave. My suggestion would be to include her future caregivers when you have the discussion. I wouldn’t “Dress it up” too much — tell her that you are going to die, and dying is forever — but let her know that you will be watching over her, she can be with you whenever she thinks of you or prays. If you are spiritual or religious include that too — talk to her about heaven and let her know that you’ll be meeting up again someday.